Logic & Sanity

Uhmmm...

In a major setback for the Shinnecocks, the federal Interior Department has declared it is not bound by a November court ruling that the nation is a federally recognized tribe.

I am confused. Is that, like, their name, or what they do?

Well, she didn't say "no"

A teenager has been charged with indecent exposure after he was caught trying to have sex with a female mannequin on display at an arts centre.

Security guards found Michael Plentyhorse, 18, sprawled with the dummy on the floor with his trousers and pants down.

Police spokesman Loren McManus said: "There was inappropriate activity between him and the mannequin.

"That's the only way I know how to put it."

She got a nice rack, but I like mine with hair.

Trick or treat?

The apparent suicide of a woman found hanging from a tree went unreported for hours because passers-by thought the body was a Halloween decoration, authorities said.

The 42-year-old woman used rope to hang herself across the street from some homes on a moderately busy road late Tuesday or early Wednesday, state police said.

The body, suspended about 15 feet above the ground, could be easily seen from passing vehicles.

State police spokesman Cpl. Jeff Oldham and neighbors said people noticed the body at breakfast time Wednesday but dismissed it as a holiday prank. Authorities were called to the scene more than three hours later.

"They thought it was a Halloween decoration," Fay Glanden, wife of Mayor William Glanden, told The (Wilmington) News Journal.

"It looked like something somebody would have rigged up," she said.

Hmmm...

Defendant: G-d

TIMISOARA, Romania - A Romanian prisoner serving 20 years for murder has sued God for failing to save him from the Devil. The inmate claims his Baptism was a contract with God to keep him out of trouble.

"God even claimed and received from me various goods and prayers in exchange for forgiveness and the promise that I would be rid of problems and have a better life," he wrote in the suit. "But on the contrary I was left in the Devil's hands."

Court officials said the suit will likely be dropped because they're unable to subpoena God.

He should've tried an insanity plea.

Mother knows best!

A Russian mother-daughter team is suing the Viacom subsidiary for "emotional distress" allegedly caused by a case of miscommunication on the popular reality show "Date My Mom" - in which a male contestant chooses a daughter to date, based on her mother's sales pitch.

Fortysomething movie producer Irina Stemer and her 19-year-old daughter, Anastasia Camras, appeared on the June 23 episode. Speaking Russian, their lawsuit alleges, Stemer told potential suitor Jorgen Sampson: "My daughter has a very big heart."

But according to court documents obtained by the Daily News' Michelle Caruso, MTV's English subtitles translated: "Jorgen, there is no better piece of a- than my princess Anastasia."

Hah! Going on those shows is a humiliation in itself.

Doggie love

Hot Biscuit Mod for Nintendogs! Will there be a lawsuit? Hm..

Silly 80's

The complete first season of MacGyver is available on DVD!!! YEA!!! Well, NOOO! But reading (very) brief descriptions of each episode is fun!

1. Pilot: The famous episode in which MacGyver uses chocolate to stop an acid leak after a lab explosion.
2. The Golden Triangle: MacGvyer becomes involved with enslaved farmers in opium fields.
3. Thief of Budapest: A gypsy girl steals a watch containing microfilm.
4. The Gauntlet: MacGvyer tries to rescue a reporter trapped in central America.
5. The Heist: A casino owner steals diamonds belonging to a charity.
6. Trumbo's World: A mile-wide column of ants is moving through the jungle.
7. Last Stand: Mac and a group of people are kidnapped by thieves at a small airport.
8. Hellfire: Mac tries to put out an oil-well fire.
9. The Prodigal: A federal witness wants to visit his dying mother.
10. Target MacGyver: Mac visits his grandfather to hide out from an assassin.
11. Nightmares: McGyver is drugged, kidnapped and escapes. Without the drug antidote, he will die.
12. Deathlock: Pete and Mac are trapped in a booby-trapped mansion.

Aint it a bitch?

Officers said they entered the house at 1050 Marconi Blvd. after receiving a tip that there were guns and drugs inside.

That's when the pit bull lunged at them, they said — prompting them to open fire.

One woman was struck in the calf and shin, the other in a big toe, cops said.

A search of the house produced a 9 mm handgun, $2,700 in cash and 11/2 pounds of marijuana, they said

Oops!

Employee of Budweiser fired for drinking Coors

A former employee of a Budweiser distributor said a sip of Coors cost him his job.

Ross Hopkins, 41, said he was fired as a supervisor at American Eagle Distributing Company after he was seen by the son-in-law of the company president with a Coors at a Greeley bar.

His apparent disloyalty led to his dismissal two days later. And now Hopkins is suing American Eagle in Weld County District Court for unspecified damages, saying he has a right to drink anything he wants in his off-hours.

In its court response, American Eagle doesn't directly challenge that Hopkins was fired, at least in part, for drinking a Coors in public. But the company said it didn't engage in a "discriminatory or unfair employment practice."

Heh, also see my post from February - Miller employee fired for drinking Bud. Kind of hard to have sympathy for any of these guys. Bud, Coors, and Miller are piss beers.

Face != Vagina

BALTIMORE -- In an effort to put her best face forward, one woman decided to use a product on her face that was meant for a different part of the body.

A guest on the television talk show "Oprah" recently shared her secret to fighting facial wrinkles: vaginal cream.

"I have been putting Premarin vaginal cream on my face for 20 years, and it works," said Vicki Mackarvich.

Oprah Winfrey was a little stunned, but interested, reported WBAL-TV in Baltimore.

So, how did Mackarvich, 58, ever think to use vaginal cream on her face?

"I lived in Florida for a long time, and a dermatologist told me I have very dry skin. I was always in the sun, so he said this would do the trick," she said.

But Maryland dermatologist Dr. Irving Wolfe said estrogen in Premarin causes irritation to the skin.

The article is a wealth of information, and if you actually make it till the end you'll uncover this gem of an advice:

"Personally, if something is meant for my 'hu-ha', I don't think I'm going to put it on my eyes," Hoffman added.

You can read the rest here.