Logic & Sanity

blah, blah, blah, Michael Jackson, blah, blah, blah

So, what does the future hold? Jackson gets acquitted, which means we are going to hear from all kinds of legal experts for the next monthss, and the big networks will fall all over each other trying to get that interview. Thankfully, there's other stuff on tv - like poker!

But anyway, wherer does Michael Jackson go from here? Well, according to his lawyer, he won't be sleeping with kids anymore.

"He's not going to do that anymore," attorney Thomas Mesereau Jr. told NBC's "Today." "He's not going to make himself vulnerable to this anymore."

Might be mere wishful thinking on the lawyer's part (or not, after all litigation is his bread and butter), but what's left for MJ to do now? He can go to Iraq and try to become an unofficial spokesman for the kids there. Protest our presence there, or do whatever else is popular now amongst the celebrities, like wearing the Kaballah red string, as seen on the photo. What's next? Scientology?

Many talk about the possibility of him moving out to Europe where he has a stronger following then right here in US. That might happen, but I think there's a very strong possibility of him commiting a suicide within the next 5 years.

Then again, as Zonker will tell you, my crystal ball needs some Windex.

Puppy love

So, Natasha Lyonne misses a court hearing (charges include harassment, criminal mischief and trespassing), but we don't really care. What we really care about are such juicy details as:

The complaints continued until Dec. 17 when Lyonne allegedly barged into her neighbor's apartment, tore mirrors off the wall, threatened to sexually molest a dog - and was arrested.

Not impressed

Page Six:

October 11, 2004 -- WEST Coast talent agencies are becoming sensitive to the environment. Endeavor head Ari Emmanuel bought a Toyota Prius several years ago and since then, members of his firm have followed suit. Now, William Morris president Jim Wiatt and his wife Elizabeth are getting into the game — but they are sticking with American hybrids. The couple just bought two Ford Escape Hybrid SUVs and are the only two in Hollywood to have them. The cars don't roll out until 2006.

That's nice, but they are still using a much greater amount of energy then the average Joe who might have an SUV, but does not have a private jet, does not use limos and does not have a mansion to maintain.

And while we are on this topic, you might remember that Kerry denied owning an SUV, claiming that it belongs to his family and not him. But what about his gas guzzling private jet, an energy-eating power yacht...? What about his five mansions that consume thousands of gallons of oil to heat and cool ???

Hot Japanese fashion designer

Page Six
JESSICA Simpson and Paris Hilton aren't the first bimbos to take New York by storm. At Tuesday night's opening of the new David Barton gym on West 23rd Street, Vanity Fair's George Wayne told Webster Hall's Baird Jones about a recent conversation he had with fashion model Kathy Ireland . She told Wayne "that when she arrived in New York [from Santa Barbara in 1980] and went to her tryout at Ford, she dressed in Asian clothing because she heard they were celebrating Yom Kippur and she thought he was a hot Japanese fashion designer."

Speaking of Paris Hilton, apparently she used the n-word on the latest porno that was supposedly "stolen" from her house. I guess that means she's no longer a role model for the children around the world.

Plain ghetto!

It just doesn't get any more ghetto then this:

JA Rule wasn't exactly keepin' it real when he went on the MTV show "Cribs" and showed off his Miami mansion — the posh pad on Star Island wasn't even his. Owner Jeanette Varela, who rented her 8,000-square-foot digs to Rule, has filed a lawsuit saying MTV is illegally airing clips of her home and wrongly portraying it as Rule's.

More details here.

Remember Mother Goose?

NY Daily News reports:

Loudmouth comic Andrew Dice Clay is getting ready to shop around a reality show that could star him, his wife and ... his girlfriend.

"I'm not the greatest husband - I've got a girlfriend," he told us. "It doesn't really please my wife, but then if I was looking to please her I wouldn't have a girlfriend."

Won't his wife be shocked?

"I mean she knows about it, and I guess she's okay with it. Plus my kids like both of them," he said.

Clay (who's performing at the Laugh Factory on Saturday) says he wants to give viewers something they can "really hook into, with characters they can care about for a long time." He hasn't found a taker yet but plans to approach the cable stations within the next year. We're thinking the Family Channel might pass.